How can you overcome shyness when seeking a mentor?

This is always an interesting one. To be honest, it's like a muscle you need to build. There are definitely some awesome best practices that have already been shared, but in my experience, when you boil it down, it's about being bold. You need put yourself out there and ask. Find the right person, jot down an elevator pitch, go beyond your comfort zone, etc., but at the end of the day, you've got to take the leap and ask.

A mentor, much like a coach will have their own areas of expertise. Determine if you are looking for a "life" mentor, a career/professional type mentor. And that is a rabbit hole in and of itself. The mentor who helps you become a better leaders or manager, may be different than the mentor who helps you with accounting best practices and advice. It's super important to have an idea going in to the ask of what support you are looking for. If you don't know what help you need, it's very difficult as a mentor or coach to help.

It is important to remember that being asked to be a mentor is extremely fulfilling to the person being asked. Most people I know are flattered to be asked, and even if they are unable to help due to other commitments, will respond with kindness, and perhaps suggest other resources. Please don't let fear dissuade you from asking. Be a bit creative in the way you make the request. Stand out from the crowd. Be your authentic self. The worst that can happen is the person says no. And, then you move on.

Preferably look for mentors outside your immediate group or team. This will help you have open conversations and the mentor can also offer more candid feedback. While researching mentors, remember that they always dont need to be very senior folks in the organization. Seek out wisdom and that can be found in unexpected places. A good read would be Wisdom at Work by Chip Conley. It will help you think differently about mentors.

It's often assumed that a mentor is someone older with more life experience; pursuing this type of person is helpful as they tend to bring a sense of wisdom to the table that younger people still need to acquire. If this is the case, a great way to find a potential match for you is to ask family friends for recommendations, as you'll find that mentors are often more accessible than you think. There's also a scenario in which your mentor could be the same age or possibly younger; they may have achieved early success in an area you're interested in and could provide a lot of insight and guidance.

Begin by asking a straightforward question to initiate the conversation and demonstrate your interest. Follow up with meaningful questions that show you're genuinely engaged in the discussion. Sometimes, the person you inquire of will take the initiative to inquire about you in return and explore how their expertise can be of assistance. It often commences with a small, friendly gesture.

Confidence is not expressed only through excellent oratory and presence. Your self awareness and ability to communicate with clarity are essential. Also understand that shyness is also a reflection of ego trying to self-preserve. Shyness indicates a fear of rejection and fear is an expression of the ego. So try to set these inhibitions aside and seek out counsel.

Once you've identified a few potential mentors, it's time to reach out to them. This can be a daunting task for shy people, but it's important to remember that most mentors are happy to help others. Send them a brief email or LinkedIn message introducing yourself and explaining why you're interested in mentoring with them. Be sure to mention your goals and what you hope to learn from them.

Its also very interesting from the mentor's point of view to know why you have chosen her/him . If you do your homework and research the works and accomplishments of the targetted mentor,its good to highlight things that made you chose them in the first contact. When you ask to discuss an article further or ask questions about a certain training or a specific job in their career ,it will trigger the interest of the mentor and she /he will be more eager to assist and support

One of the most effective ways to build trust is by following through on feedback. Putting in the work to improve oneself is the best way to build trust. I knew the CEO of a company who once said "Trust is built in drops and lost by the buckets".

Like most relationships, pursuing a mentor will likely be an incremental process that requires you to build rapport and trust. You may reach out and immediately get a "yes," which is fantastic; however, people are busy and selective with their time, so it's best to consider this and give yourself time to foster and nurture the relationship.

Understand that this is an investment on both side requiring trust, transparency, communication, and more. Ideally you'll want to cultivate something for a long term growth if possible. These relationship when fostered well can be mutually beneficial and last a life time!

While meeting with the mentor in the initial stages, one more suggestion would be to go with a specific situation (from past or present) and discuss that up first. Define options and weigh their pros and cons with the mentor and get their perspective. This can act as an icebreaker and can help overcome shyness and focus the initial meetings without any awkwardness. Once we build the rapport, then it gradually becomes easier to talk about strengths, weaknesses and get the feedback we are looking for. Making an action plan with this feedback and working on it with your mentor has no alternatives though.

Feedback is how we learn, so embracing that is key as it may not always be comfortable but then again growth is not always easy. Remember to keep it respectful and to speak up and ask for clarity within the feedback process. Keep an open mind and again change takes time.

While asking for feedback, don't ask only about your weaknesses. I would suggest spending more time on strengths. If you discover your real strengths and then work to transform them into super powers, it will be a great way to overcome weaknesses. Do what may Superman could not overcome Kryptonite. So avoid some of the negatives but make sure you double down on the positives.

One more thing which matters is, be honest through the whole process. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it won't. It is important to be open and honest about it so that a course correction can happen, and it becomes an enriching exchange. Another force multiplier is, if this whole process is documented, then that helps a lot as well. It allows us to see the progress that has been made and acts as a catalyst to do more. It is important to understand that such relationship helps the mentor as much as the mentee.

There could be 2 main reasons you feel shy when seeking a mentor. (a) you are shy about sharing your fears & dreams (b) you dont want to burden someone by appearing needy. If it's (a) you can negate by taking time to build a rapport, then sharing & seeking advice based on your comfort level. If it's (b) establish clear call and meeting times in advance and set out clear schedules that do not put the burden on either to be available randomly. But the important thing is that you have taken the first step to find a mentor, this means that you've crossed the biggest hurdle of identifying that you need help and the areas that you need that help in. Kudos on that.

Don't be afraid to be rejected. Not every mentor will be a good fit for you. If you're rejected, don't take it personally. Just keep trying and you'll eventually find the right mentor for you. Be respectful of your mentor's time. Mentors are busy people, so be mindful of their time. Schedule your meetings in advance and be prepared for each meeting. Be grateful. Let your mentor know how much you appreciate their help and guidance. Express your gratitude regularly, either verbally or through a written note.