What are the best ways to overcome resistance to coaching or mentoring?

Coaching& mentoring are based on working in partnership with clients, I learn from clients how to be a better, more effective coach and greatly benefit from their perspectives and insights. It's a real privilege to hold space for clients, facilitate a process in which they find their own answers, support them in their efforts to live more authentically, and collaborate with them in generating solutions and strategies aimed at meeting their goals. As they grow and learn, so do I.

Coaching is about helping to raise someone's awareness so they can take responsibility for the action. In this, we're encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone. And, in some cases, the first thing the mind will do is resist. It will do all it can to maintain its sense of safety and a sense of certainty to maintain what it feels is normal. And yet, all residence is a bid for safety. This is the ego trying to keep the unknown away, unable to regulate the levels of stress and just measuring this unknown/new possibility in the same way as a Sabre-Toothed Tiger. No, you might not be a good fit, also know that it's not necessarily you. Be curious. Ask questions. See what and why. Nurture the understanding.

Overcoming resistance to coaching or mentoring hinges on emphasizing the confidential nature of these relationships. One of the most rewarding parts of coaching leaders is that the transformation usually occurs behind close doors but the impacts reach many for years to come. I would recommend highlighting how elite athletes and experts build a strong reliance on mentors and coaches for expert-level development to refine strengths and address growth areas. Connect mentoring/coaching growth to career advancement and personal development. Encourage reflecting on past experiences, current position, and future aspirations. This approach anchors the transformative impact of coaching and mentoring on both professional and personal trajectories.

"Tell them what you'll tell them" is one of the T's of great presentations, but it's the same here. To foreshadow and preface what you'll be doing. Eliminate the surprises, as human beings we don't like them. We don't need sudden shocks or the unexpected. We need more safety to rest back and let go just a little bit more so we feel comfortable enough to speak a bit more and share a bit more personally. It helps us to build a relationship. To do this, let them know what may happen along the way, so the subconscious mind can relax a bit more as the thing you said would happen, happens. Because this builds a sense of deeper trust.

Try posing the question: why might you try this? That way, you get to hear their reasons for considering change, not anyone else’s. It also skips over any negativity generated by telling a person what they’re not doing right or what they should be doing. Finally it boosts positivity by underscoring the person’s autonomy.

Building rapport and trust is indeed essential. To enhance this, consider also being transparent about your own experiences and challenges. Sharing your journey can humanize the process, making it more relatable and approachable. This transparency helps in establishing a deeper connection. Incorporate regular check-ins to understand their concerns and progress. These check-ins show that you're invested in their growth and well-being, not just in meeting coaching objectives.

Find out their goals. Find out their leaders goals. Find out their personal goals... family, life, hobbies. Get seriously interested in where they are going. Get seriously interested in what is important to them, their reason for living, getting out of bed, explore that and get them fired up about what is important to them. And why. This is where people come to life, because it's what make them feel alive. Ask them questions that show you're invested int hem and what they're creating and nurture that into fruition. Not for you, for them. Make them the most important person in the conversation, something they may not have experienced before and let them know you care.

There must be a reason why the executive / the leader come to see you. Always present to the leader the options he has: stay with whatever he/she has or make the changes towards what he/she wants to achieve. It needs to be the leader's goals and not your goal.

Absolutely, clarifying goals and expectations is key. In addition to involving them in goal setting, ensure these goals are realistically attainable and relevant to their current roles and aspirations. This relevance fosters a greater sense of personal investment. Also, clearly outline the benefits they can expect from achieving these goals, making the outcomes more tangible and desirable. Regularly review and adjust these goals and expectations to reflect any changes in circumstances or new insights gained during the process. This flexibility shows that the coaching or mentoring is dynamic and responsive to their growth.

Adapt your communication, don't adapt the pathway. Adapt what you might share with them at different points, and stick to the plan. Find where they are in their journey and contribute the right piece of information or questions or pearl of wisdom to help them get to the next point and keep sharing. Just make sure that your words are landing with them, being heard. Listen to how they speak, to what's important to them and reflect that back in order to help them to see themselves more clearly so they can take the action. Ise VAK language, mirror and reflect their answer isn't he next question, get really curious, ask questions beginning with 'Why' less and more intelligently to find out more along the way.

In my experience as a coach you need to be very patient and help the client get to the bottom of the issue. Once you get there, help client plan the 'impossible-to-fail tasks' (tiny tasks).

Using a flexible and adaptive approach is indeed crucial. This means being open to experimenting with different coaching styles and techniques until you find what resonates best with the individual. Understanding their learning style (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc.) can also guide the choice of methods and resources used. Encouraging them to provide feedback on the coaching process not only helps in tailoring the approach but also fosters a sense of ownership and involvement in their development journey. Being adaptive also involves being sensitive to their emotional and mental state during the process. Recognizing when to push for progress and when to give space is key to maintaining a positive and productive coaching relationship.

Support the answers. Celebrate useful points and honest shares. Affirm the positive. Encourage deeper answers. Do this in the conversation and along the way. Recap at the end of the conversation, and check in at the start of the next one. Look for the wins and £catch people getting it right" as Ken Blanchard said.

Personalizing recognition to suit the individual's preferences can make it more impactful. Whether it's verbal praise, written acknowledgment, or public recognition, choose the form that resonates most with them. Offering specific, constructive feedback instead of generic praise can also help them understand and appreciate their progress more clearly.

In my experience working with executive leaders is to understand their team members perspectives of their leadership with curiosity rather than judgment. On many occasions, there can be resistance to proactively seeking feedback for fear or anxiety of what might come back in terms of perceived negative comments rather than objective and factual information that can be extremely valuable to the leaders growth and development. Making sure to approach these conversations with a mindset of curiosity can pay significant rewards in leaders reaching their full potential.

Every client / leader has their own style of working and interacting. Don't wait until the end of the coaching journey. Seek feedback regularly. Adjust it. So that the client feel comfortable with the journey. What is more important is make the client comfortable with the behaviour change.

It may be useful to identify for the person evidence of the costs/challenges of 'continuing to do things the way they have been done'. That evidence, built up over a few weeks or key moments, may help the person let go of the old and create more openness to embrace the new.